Poem by Leslie Ebony Perry
My skin - its clear - depending on the time of the month that is,
but the real blemish
causing me insecurity
stands behind and beside me
my past it sometimes haunts me.
First, I tired to shower it off,
and when that didn’t work
I thought maybe a bath
could erase my past
But the shadow of “back then”
still appeared then and again
And I heard about this thing called church and prayer
and I was told that the blood of this great man known by almost all
well they said there was forgiveness for all
and that his blood could make me clean – lily white like
And I’ll admit
that it did seem to help a bit
But then that ghost from back when
came creeping up again
And dare I say that my past
aint really that bad
at least if I can compare to somebody’s elses story
but then again
if I compare it to some of my friends
well if they knew my full story
I wonder if we would still be friends
And that is really the problem I face
cause I am confronted with judgment not so much from within
but when I decide to share that part of me that some may regard as sin
sin defined by men . . . and when tell them about what happened "when"
well the look in their eyes is as if I caught them by surprise
and the thing that trips me out the most is
most have committed the same quote unquote transgression
but it just so happens that only a few
are left with lifelong residue
its like they got away with murder
because there was no trace of gun powder
but they will be real quick to deny an acquittal to another (sigh) oh brother!
but Ill go head and take the blame
cause maybe it is a character stain
every year I grow to accept that there are somethings that can’t be changed
the kindness and humility that you liked/loved about me is a result of the pain
that has shaped and MAKES me
and I am not staying everybody got to like me or accept me
those actions are my own personal responsibility
but don’t you dare paint me with the brush of being “bad”
attempting to make me somehow inferior
i still have a lot of open wounds so yes stick stones and also words hurt me
and I realize that a big part of this is my fault
cause I shouldn’t be so quick to open the vault
which is my heart
but thank you for reminding me that somethings should only be told
on as they say
a need to know basis
but sometimes I find myself in a place where I am so in love with me
i assume the world will also embrace the complete me
and see the beauty below the surface and beyond any grime from past lifetimes
but then I end up finding out that Im wrong
and end up singing a sad song
about how somebody done me wrong
cause I shared a blemish that I have had to carry far too long
now im carrying one extra bag cause 7 instead of 6 now know
and along with that I got these bags under my eyes from crying
and trying to hold tight to when you said “I hope we can still be friends”
then reality became clear and I realized those words were meant to pacify
for future reference
I would have preferred if you would have said a simple “bye”
instead of telling that lie
sometimes it seems like the blemish is right below my eye
confusing and distorting the way I see people and
the way I think they see me.
how I wish he was looking at me
if he did I know he would see the beauty that is me,
but this blemish distracts him from seeing who I really be.
although attractive this blemish overshadows me
causing me to be quite ugly
People tell me to dress a bit more sexy, do you hair, dress better,
at least put on some nail polish
But what for when all someone may end up seeing is the blemish.
And when I am done throwing my little pity party
And sometimes I make everyone leave early . . .
cause if depression start to get loose with it –
he sometime try to stay around a minute
So, I stand in the mirror and I start encouraging me and tell myself . . .
Your real value is in your heart and you just don’t perform it . . .
you yourself are a piece of fine artwork
Molding and crafting the individual within you daily
faithfully growing a little better
as human day by day
So goodness gracious
so one person decides to walk away and prefers not be your friend
And you think the world done come to an end
Girlfriend please remember that no matter what happened back then
or sometime before then or during a passage of time called when
You my sister are a gem!
ABOUT THE ARTIST / Profound skill, haunting depth and refreshing energy barely scratches the surface when describing the spoken word phenom known as Leslie Ebony. Imbued with Sybil's insight, the engrossing stage presence of Ella Fitzgerald, and an ambidextrous grasp on the English language pleasing both a queen as well as those steeped in the urban backdrop of Leslie’s native Chicago.
CONTACT THE POET :::
Visit her Myspace Page for other upcoming events + shows.
Follow her Blog musings.